September 13, 2012

Book Review: If I Were You by Lisa Renee Jones

Title: If I Were You (Inside Out Trilogy, #1)
Author: Lisa Renee Jones
Release Date: August 24th 2012
Publisher: Self Published
Source: Received via NetGalley

Fifty Shades of Grey meets Basic Instinct

How it began…

One day I was a high school teacher on summer break, leading a relatively uneventful but happy life. Or so I told myself. Later, I’d question that, as I would question pretty much everything I knew about me, my relationships, and my desires. It all began when my neighbor thrust a key to a storage unit at me. She’d bought it to make extra money after watching some storage auction show. Now she was on her way to the airport to elope with a man she barely knew, and she needed me to clear out the unit before the lease expires.

Soon, I was standing inside a small room that held the intimate details of another woman’s life, feeling uncomfortable, as if I was invading her privacy. Why had she let these items so neatly packed, possessions that she clearly cared about deeply, be lost at an auction? Driven to find out by some unnamed force, I began to dig, to discover this woman’s life, and yes, read her journals—-dark, erotic journals that I had no business reading. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. I read on obsessively, living out fantasies through her words that I’d never dare experience on my own, compelled by the three men in her life, none of whom had names. I read onward until the last terrifying dark entry left me certain that something had happened to this woman. I had to find her and be sure she was okay.
Before long, I was taking her job for the summer at the art gallery, living her life, and she was nowhere to be found. I was becoming someone I didn’t know. I was becoming her.

The dark, passion it becomes…

Now, I am working at a prestigious gallery, where I have always dreamed of being, and I’ve been delivered to the doorstep of several men, all of which I envision as one I’ve read about in the journal. But there is one man that will call to me, that will awaken me in ways I never believed possible. That man is the ruggedly sexy artist, Chris Merrit, who wants to paint me. He is rich and famous, and dark in ways I shouldn’t find intriguing, but I do. I so do. I don’t understand why his dark side appeals to me, but the attraction between us is rich with velvety promises of satisfaction. Chris is dark, and so are his desires, but I cannot turn away. He is damaged beneath his confident good looks and need for control, and in some way, I feel he needs me. I need him.
All I know for certain is that he knows me like I don’t even know me, and he says I know him. Still, I keep asking myself — do I know him? Did he know her, the journal writer, and where is she? And why doesn’t it seem to matter anymore? There is just him and me, and the burn for more.

My Thoughts

I haven't joined the hyped up masses and read Fifty Shades of Grey, but I have read my fair share of (the now termed) mommy porn.

Right off the bat I'll tell you straight...I did not enjoy this book.

Shy good girl gets off reading somebody else's journal, seeks out the author,  starts living her life, and having her sex; um creepy much?!

I dont believe her innocent, unworldly guise for a second.

Sara is nosy, dishonest and has a self confessed knack for meeting creepy guys. She hates liars, yet constantly lies herself. She invades someone's privacy by reading their journal and lies about it, and then she's spouting on about hating liars and secrets...its a double standard that makes me not like her at once, in fact she is a very unlikeable, unbelievable and un-connectable character throughout.

The men.
The men in this book are gross and pushy and in no way romantic, and if I have to read "hey baby", "oh yeah baby", "thats it baby", (*cue the skanky low budget porn music*) one more time I think I really will scream.
I did not like either of the males at all.
Seriously, what is it with arrogant, self centered men with over inflated egos that women seem to love? (yes, I'm questioning your self respect)

The sex.
So I've figured out that Master/Sub sex is not my thing in or out of the bedroom, it doesn't turn me on in the least.
I'm far too bossy myself to be told where I can and cant put my hands, legs, mouth...and find it arousing.

No matter how many times I'm told (by the narrative) that MS is all about control I only see it as weakness, and that just pisses me off.

Hard, eager, heated, and demanding, mutually beneficial I need you now sex, yes - but this whole shut up and do what I tell you thing just isn't for me.

So to the writing then.
The story is slow to develop, almost stagnant at times, and once the sex starts - a mere afterthought. And what story there is, is boring.
Its unimaginative, stale, and predictable.

Is it Fifty Shades of Grey meets Basic Instinct?
Well if what you're looking for is unappealing (IMO) sex with annoying and arrogant male plus bad non-thriller nineties thriller movie mostly famous for an unrevealing leg crossing scene...sure.
I really don't have anything that I can put a positive spin on, I just didn't like it from start to finish.

If you are a Fifty Shades of Grey fan, you will no doubt love it, but for me...
1 Star only :[

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